Child Loss

Coping With Baby Loss – Megan – 9 Years On

I can hardly believe I am saying this, but 9 years ago today we lost our Baby Girl in pregnancy. Our sweet and beautiful baby Megan. The years are just absolutely drifting by and even though we have coped so far with our loss, the life we should have had with our baby girl is never far from the front of my mind.

It’s been 4 years since I last blogged about Megan, not because the memory is painful but because my blog didn’t exist for 2 of those anniversaries and I’ve struggled with depression and not wanting to talk about it for the other 1 remaining year. But this year I feel I just need to talk about her again.

Our 12 Week Scan with Megan
Our 12 Week Scan with Megan

We lost Megan at 16-week gestation on 15th December 2010, that awkward stage whereas a pregnant woman you are beginning to feel your first flutters of movement, the morning sickness is just giving its final farewell and you are sharing your happy news after passing the dreaded 12-week mark. Thinking I was in the “safe zone” and nothing could go wrong we’d been buying nursery furniture, pushchairs, necessary equipment and essentials. Then suddenly I found myself faced with the dreaded fact.

I was no longer going to become a mother to the baby in my tummy.

During the week before 13th December 2010, I was beginning to feel something wasn’t right. Feeling for the flutters of our baby girl I felt nothing, but as I was still so early on in pregnancy I presumed she’d changed position but after a few days she would turn again and I’d begin feeling her tickles again. By the 13th December, I was feeling particularly worried but putting my unease to rest I got the mornings routine underway, taking Lewis to nursery and myself to work. But soon my nagging doubt returned, so with the persuasion of a colleague at work I gave our local hospital a ring and was advised to pop in for a quick check-up.

This was the best (and worst) thing I could have done. You will probably understand more reading about our loss here.

9 Years Later

Obviously I am now in a better place than what I was 9 years ago, I’ve dealt with my grief, my depression, our loss and knowing our family life won’t ever be the way it was intended to be. These times are sent to try us, the loss isn’t easy but we need to work through it and find a way of surviving.

Megan is always close to the front of my mind, I try to envisage what she would be like had she lived. Knowing she’s a girl makes me watch Leah with fascination, would they have been the same, the same tastes, likes/dislikes and temperament. Or would she have been the absolute polar opposite?! We will never know.

Help and Support

During our time 9 years ago I didn’t cope with my grief very well, there was a severe lack of support for any family who suffered the loss of a child during pregnancy. There was plenty of support for grieving parents who lost a child during infancy, but not during pregnancy. I attempted to join a support group which the hospital told me about but I felt outcast as all the parents had lost their babies after birth.

Today there is an amazing network of support with The Mariposa Trust and Saying Goodbye.

Baby Loss Memorial at Emstrey Crematorium, Shrewsbury donated by Shropshire SANDS
Each year we visit this memorial at Emstrey Crematorium in Shrewsbury to visit Megan and lay some flowers.

Another thing that helps is an event which happens annually called the ‘Wave Of Light’ which takes place during the annual Baby Loss Awareness Week during October. Here you can share stories, gain support (by the BUCKET load) and light a candle to share on social media throughout the world. This is a great way to raise awareness, show your support but also gain support that you may not have received during the time you needed it most.

Not Our Only Loss

Baby loss can happen at any stage in pregnancy, back in August 2016 we lost another pregnancy, this time early at just shy of 12 weeks. Again our grief was raw, the pain was unbearable but I already had support in place using the groups I’d found from my first experience (noted above).

In the meantime, if you are struggling with grief through baby loss I thoroughly implore that you speak with people who are close to you, seek their comfort and support.

2 Comments

  1. Kim Carberry

    16th December 2019 at 6:26 pm

    I am so sorry. Sending love and hugs x

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