Baby Loss Awareness Week – I am 1 in 4

This week (9th -15th October) marks a special week to me, a week where a taboo can be broken where men and women throughout the world can speak freely about the children they have lost. Whether the loss be through miscarriage, still birth, infancy or childhood this week is Baby Loss Awareness Week and I want to encourage you all reading to talk about the children you have lost, either in social media (using the hashtag #BabyLossAwarenessWeek) or by simply leaving me a comment on this blog post. This week we all need to talk, share our stories and show our support for families who are in desperate need of support.

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I am a firm believer that from the moment those two blue lines appear positive on a pregnancy test a parent and a child are made. The months during pregnancy are such a turbulent roller-coaster, but you only feel a slight relief when your baby is placed in your arms 9 months later. This is when you arrive at your next port of parenthood, the part when your babies needs need to be met, where each cry you ask yourself “whats wrong”.

For many getting to the part of having a baby in your arms is such a hard journey, and I know that all too well.

From my bio you will know that I have 2 children, aged 7 and 4. Each day I look at my two children in absolute amazement, knowing my body did create them and did bring them into the world safely. But I also look at them each day knowing that they are so SO lucky, because not only do I have 2 children alive with my today but those 2 children also have two other siblings that were lost during pregnancy.

My heart aches for all 4 of my children, knowing what could and should have been for them all. A lovely bond between siblings and a more loving family to be born into.

My Children

My first child Lewis although took a long time to conceive was born healthy at 37 weeks on the 13th June 2009, he is now 7 years old.

My 2nd child Megan was born sleeping at 16 weeks gestation, I have always refused to accept she was a “miscarriage” always have done but sadly on a medically view she was. We never had an answer to what went wrong with my pregnancy and loosing Megan was such an horrific time. I felt empty, I felt scared, I felt alone, I struggled to talk to anyone, I was an empty shell somehow putting one foot in front of another. I didn’t see friends, I struggled to be a wife and a mother and my work suffered too. It took me at least 3 years to come to terms with the loss of my daughter, something I never thought i’d ever have to experience in my life.

My 3rd child, Leah, was born 15 months after the loss of Megan. I was still grieving, still numb from the pain of the loss of her sister. From the moment those lines turned blue on the pregnancy test I turned into a wreck, I knew I’d not cope with another loss and each antenatal appointment and each scan brought a new wave of fear to me. I cried daily and I’d become paranoid if 20 minutes went by without a kick or a wriggle from the baby inside of me. Thankfully Leah arrived safely into the world on the 23rd March 2012, 6 days overdue and is an absolute thriving 4 year old now.

My 4th child I lost only in August this year, at 9 weeks gestation. Knowing the statistic of “1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss” I went into this pregnancy blindly and full of hope again only for all that hope to be dashed away from me only weeks later. I am now 9 weeks on from the loss of that child and I recovering well, I sought support from new friends who I didn’t have 6 years ago and they have all been amazing. Lewis and Leah have also been amazing and supportive even if they don’t realise it. I blogged about the loss of this pregnancy and I also touched on what to expect during a miscarriage as I found so little information available.

Baby Loss Awareness Week

As I said earlier on I want everyone who reads this blog post either today, this week or even years down the line I want you all to know that support is always available and that each October brings Baby Loss Awareness Week and that the last day of that week brings #WaveOfLight at 7pm. This Saturday I shall be lighting a new candle, in memory of not 1 but 2 of my babies this year. Keep an eye out for my Instagram feed at 7pm Saturday 15th October 2016 as I light my candle, please do join in and use #WaveOfLight hashtag.

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Even though the campaign for Baby Loss Awareness only lasts a week I am choosing to wear my pin badge for the month, I am wearing my pin with pride and hoping that by doing so I can do my bit to raise awareness and break the silence. I grieve daily for my children I have lost, the children they should have become the siblings they should be to Lewis and Leah and the family we should have become but we are a family even if 2 people are missing.

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I hope with this blog post you may feel encouraged to share your story with me, or if you don’t feel strong enough a simple tweet using #BabyLossAwarenessWeek and tagging me @ClearlyBex will be perfect. Together we can break the taboo and the silence of our lost babies.

Thank you x

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