Coming Back To Blogging
Heyyyyy, I’m back!
I’d like to say I am feeling refreshed and ready to return to my blog.
But I’m not.
Really, I just need the distraction!
My kids are now back at school, my youngest has just started reception class, I feel more lost now than ever before. 6 hours a day now need filling to give a welcome break from the grey clouds that fill my mind, the depression of losing another child in pregnancy.
I am finding I can’t socialise quite as well at the moment, conversation just seems so difficult for me to be able to find.
Even typing still seems so difficult.
Finding a friend to keep me company really is so far from the forefront of my mind.
I just want to wallow in self pity now that I am alone.
I think I just need to take some time to myself, be alone and actually let my body and mind accept whats happened.
I’ve not been alone for over 7 years now, I’ve always had a child in tow (except Leah’s afternoon nursery sessions and they weren’t even mandatory) this really is going to take some getting use to and finding a new way of coping seems so daunting right now.
I need a distraction.
Our lost child was going to be our final piece of our family, that last missing jigsaw piece to make us a complete family. Now I am just living knowing that I have yet again lost another child and our family may never be complete.
I suffer with Endometriosis, PCOS and (possible) Adenomyosis. These 3 conditions can trigger fertility issues and issues with miscarriage in pregnancy so I feel like some kind of ticking timebomb, my fertility, my ability to carry another child really does feel at risk at the moment.
I am due to see my Gynaecologist in October, I’m hoping to find out if I do also suffer with Adenomyosis and if these three things together are a combination that can be managed in any future pregnancy.
In the meantime I am back to being alone, knowing I have brought 2 children into the world but also lost 2 children.
I need my blog to be my solace, somewhere I can think about other things apart from my loss – my distraction.
To stop me walking around the house in a daze.
To clear the fog in my brain.
I hope this works…