Not Quite The Announcement I Wanted To Make…

I am finding it really hard to begin typing this blog post, as this post really isn’t going to take shape on how I ever dreamed it would.

You see this blog post should be joyous, happy and bright.

Instead its not, its bleak, sad and grey.

In a couple of weeks I should be telling you all I am pregnant, wanting to share my pregnancy and bringing our third child into the world. A third child we have been longing for for nearly 2 years.

Instead I am sat here telling you all I have miscarried, I am heartbroken.

I am empty, physically and emotionally.

I sit for hours in silence, not knowing what to do whilst my whole body just aches, whilst my head is completely clouded and I am unable to think.

When I can cry I sob, the tears come thick and fast and I then spend hours feeling drained before the next wave of sobs arrive.

I can barely eat, I have no appetite and when I do manage some food I feel worse because I have forced myself to eat when I didn’t want food.

I cant sleep, because I don’t want to wake up and relive in my head whats happened.

Miscarriage

This isn’t my first miscarriage, I lost my daughter at 16 weeks at the end of 2010. I have experience this loss before, but it doesn’t get easier living it. I now live with the knowledge I have now lost 2 children and not 1, it hurts.

In a couple of weeks I was looking forward to publishing a couple of new blog posts announcing my pregnancy, from weeks 5 upwards, about my feelings, excitement and sickness (because I actually miss that now!). Instead these blog posts are now going to sit in my drafts, untouched, unpublished and I know I wont be able to face reading or deleting them for some time to come.

Right now I am unsure what to do, I know I need time to grieve, to recover but I know I don’t grieve well.

I know I won’t be around on my blog for a while, my head really isn’t working well enough to be able to type, the fog in my head isn’t allowing me to express what I need to say.

I hope to be back soon, perhaps once the school holidays are over. I need to focus on my family for a while.

 

20 Comments

  1. Kat EatLoveLive

    4th September 2016 at 9:42 am

    So sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need to grieve and seek support from loved ones. You are not alone! Big hugs xxx

  2. Wave to Mummy

    2nd September 2016 at 6:29 pm

    Hi. Just wanted to say you are in my thoughts and I hope you are feeling better now. All the best in these difficult times.

  3. Farmerswifeandmummy

    19th August 2016 at 6:07 am

    Oh I am so sorry to read this. Miscarriage is the robber of hope and promise. It is the worst thing. I wish I could make it better for you. All I can say is you are not alone. I lost 2 and I still think of those babies. How old they would have been. I am here if you need to vent. I’m so sorry xxx

  4. Jenni

    14th August 2016 at 2:09 pm

    Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family xx

  5. Elaine @ Entertaining Elliot

    12th August 2016 at 3:42 pm

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. Take as much time as you need, look after yourself and stay strong xxx

  6. Confessions of a New Mummy

    11th August 2016 at 9:55 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss, I just can’t imagine how hard it must be for you all. Sending lots of love and best wishes to you xx

  7. Rainbow Awards

    10th August 2016 at 3:55 pm

    I’m so sorry Bex – love from all at the Rainbow Awards xxx

  8. Lauren V at The Life and Loves of Lolly

    10th August 2016 at 3:35 pm

    Sending lots of love to you and your family. I can’t imagine how you are feeling at the moment.

    Hope to see you back soon

    Lauren x

  9. Angela Webster

    9th August 2016 at 8:08 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss x

  10. Jenny @ thebrickcastle

    8th August 2016 at 4:18 pm

    No, you need to focus on you. And if that means taking time out with your family then do it.
    And don’t underestimate the power of a good unpublished blog post. It lets you sort out your head and stops the thoughts running round and round forever. No-one ever needs to read it, but do what everyone always says and write for yourself.
    Love to you and to your fella xx

  11. Erica Price

    8th August 2016 at 4:12 pm

    So sorry to hear this – I know it’s not easy from personal experience. Thinking of you all. xxx

  12. Kim Carberry

    8th August 2016 at 3:29 pm

    Oh no! I am so sorry! Sending love and hugs x

  13. Lisa H

    8th August 2016 at 2:34 pm

    Oh Bex I am so so sorry to read this. I’m
    Always here if you need a shoulder xxx

  14. Kelly | To Become Mum

    8th August 2016 at 2:24 pm

    Lots of love Bex. So sorry to hear your news. Take care of yourself and look forward to seeing you back soon xx

  15. Tee

    8th August 2016 at 2:18 pm

    Sending you the biggest hugs imaginable. You know where I am when you want to talk / scream / shout / cry / eat cake / binge watch Harry Potter xxxxx

  16. Pippa Ainsworth

    8th August 2016 at 2:18 pm

    Oh Bex, I’m so sorry to hear this. Sending love and thinking of you all xxx

  17. Tracy Nixon

    8th August 2016 at 1:19 pm

    I am so sorry to hear of you loss and my heart goes out to you. I do hope you will allow yourself enough time to heal – we will all be here waiting for you when you decide to return. Take care xxxx

  18. @falcondalejan

    8th August 2016 at 1:13 pm

    So sorry to hear this. Such a hard thing. Best wishes and I hope you feel brighter soon.

  19. Margaret Clarkson

    8th August 2016 at 12:14 pm

    I am very sorry indeed to read this. Please look after yourself as best you can, and take as much time as you need to start healing.

  20. twinderelmo2014

    8th August 2016 at 12:11 pm

    So sorry to read your sad news. Much love to you all xxxxxx

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