Child Loss

A Letter To Megan : August 2015

Dear Megan,

I know this is a little out of the blue but something happened last night which has sparked this letter.

Last night whilst I was at work I got talking to a colleague about my Pandora Necklace and she noticed around my favourite colour (purple) were 3 little people, she instantly knew 2 of them would be my children but then she noticed my angel – you.

Megan - Aug 15

I wear you on my necklace every moment of every day, side by side with your big brother and baby sister and they both know about you. Leah will frequently sit and look at my necklace, “there’s me, there’s Lewis and there’s Megan”. She knows your name but I don’t think she understands you are not with us, you see, next door have a daughter called Megan and Leah really likes her. I think she is confused but in time she will fully understand when she’s old enough.

My colleague was taken aback last night as she didn’t know I had another child, she didn’t know about you. I don’t go around telling everyone about you, its still too painful as my mind just goes on one, thinking how old you would be now and what would you be doing.

You should now be 4 years old, the years have really flown by, you should be getting ready to go to big school with your brother. We bought his school shoes last week and I know I should have been buying two pairs of shoes rather than one, Leah picked out some shoes which she really likes, would you have liked the same? I should have been buying you your first uniform, making you look smart and practising my appalling plait technique. We’d have loved preparing for big school together and getting ready to meet all your new friends, I shall be looking at the doors of Reception class in a fortnight, knowing there is one special little girl missing from that class.

We have done so much during these holidays, you should have been a part of it all. Days out, seeing friends, swimming, maybe you’d have just done your first summer weekend with your Nanna and Grandad, a weekend Lewis thoroughly loves and spends the next 51 weeks counting down to!

I often wonder if you’d of had the same likes and dislikes for things as your brother and sister. This year its all been about Minecraft, Thomas Land, Sea Life Centre and Lego.

We have even been on a first foreign holiday, we spent 5 days in Tenerife, of which Lewis and Leah spent majority of that time playing in the resorts 6 pools. You would have loved every moment of it, especially if you’d of gained your brother and sisters love for the water! We may have even ventured to the water parks, seeing as you’d have been doing swimming lessons this year with Lewis, you’d of had amazing water confidence like Lewis.

Megan - Aug 15 1

Earlier this year we also lost Grandad Mick, a truly lovely man who was just taken from us too soon, its really rocked our family just like when we lost you. I’m not too sure if I believe in a heaven though, I’d like to think if one does exist that you will now be with Grandad Mick and watching over us all.

I have learnt to live with the pain of losing you, but every so often a thought will creep into my mind which will then spark my need to write to you, on my blog seems the only way I can get something written down and expressed. The pain I live with will never go away, you should be growing up, having fun and be living with us. We will miss you always.

Love you always

Mummy & Daddy  x

1 Comment

  1. Wave to Mummy

    9th September 2015 at 12:06 am

    Oh so sorry for your loss, you have brought me to tears with this beautiful letter to Megan. I guess the pain never really goes away, you just learn to live with it. I hope your little angel is up there with Grandad Mick, both watching over you xx

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